My Ex Said She Needs to Find Herself With My Ex Again
Ex girlfriend with feet broke upward with me to discover herself/exist alone
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- This topic has 15 replies, seven voices, and was terminal updated 3 days, v hours agone by
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Hello All,
Some context…my ex gf and I were together for over 3 years. Our relationship was amazing during the first 2 or and so years, but then I started noticing some difficulties and nosotros were non being physical. Despite this we still loved each other and were all-time friends like nosotros always were. Nosotros were fighting more over things that did not seem to matter, but our dearest and respect for each other remained. This past year has both been insanely decorated and hectic for both of u.s.a. career wise and with university.
About 6-viii months agone, I noticed my ex was actually struggling with schoolhouse, work, life, and never seemed happy, even when I wasn't with her. She also is struggling to find what she wants to practise in life after university, and became more than snappy at me for what seemed to be absolutely goose egg, causing me to feel despised. She would simply explode out of nowhere. Somewhen she began getting panic attacks and sought out therapy and professional help (was put on anti-depressants) , which I was extremely happy about because I hoped it would help her with stress and herself.
Fast forward to more recently where she is extremely broken-hearted now and stressed with work/university, she has broken up with me abruptly and wants to be alone, and with no 1 right now. She also told me that she has kind of "Fallen out of love" with me and she does not know why and that she wishes she felt how I do virtually her. She says she loves me and that it is nothing that I did at all, it is her. She also says that she does not feel like she knows herself anymore and is desperate to feel happy once more. This of course was devastating to me merely I told her I support her, love her, and want her to feel better. I have also told her that when she is ready I hope we can keep our relationship and piece of work on information technology.
I just do not understand why her feelings for me changed out of nowhere. The first 2 years nosotros were beyond happy and we did everything like traveling the world and other things that bring people closer. I did everything I could to make her happy, was loyal, and e'er showed her love and amore despite my crazy piece of work schedule. I question if all the past year of us arguing over nonsense and her shortness/abrupt anger out of nowhere with me was undiagnosed anxiety (GAD) and depression. Over this time she has as well been distant with everyone in her life and has not been wanting to go out or exercise much. She only lacks the aforementioned drive she used to have. I also wonder if her feet is what caused her sudden loss of sex-drive and her feeling that she does not know herself anymore.
Right now we are not talking and I am giving her space to figure herself out and to be happy with herself once more like she was the first two years of our relationship. She has also told me she does non want me to look because she doesn't know if she volition desire to exist with me when she finds herself. She simply seems lost. It kills me to not see or hear from her, but I know it is for the all-time especially since I want to be with her the rest of my life.
Has anyone experienced anything like this, or have whatever advice? Could the root of our breakdown exist her feet disorder and simply her desperation to experience herself again?
Thank you
Dearest Jake:
Astonishing relationship for the first two years or then, after which a twelvemonth that was "insanely busy and hectic for both of us career wise and with university" followed, as well equally the following: "we were not being concrete.. We were fighting more than…(she) never seemed happy.. became more snappy at me for what seemed to be absolutely cipher, causing me to feel despised. She would explode out of nowhere.. put on anti depressants" and nearly recently she broke upward with you abruptly, proverb she "wants to be alone, and with no i right at present.. she has kind of 'Falling out of love' with me and that she wishes she felt how I do about her.. it is nothing that I did.. information technology is her".
You told her that yous "support her, love her, and want her to feel better.. when she is set up I promise we tin can keep our relationship and work on it".
"I only exercise not understand why her feelings for me changed out of nowhere… I did everything I could to make her happy, was loyal, and always showed her love and affection despite my crazy schedule".
My agreement at this point: I don't think that her feelings for you inverse "out of nowhere", but that her feelings changed in the final yr, long before she broke upward with you. I imagine she wanted to break upwardly with you way before she did. I imagine she felt conflicted and guilty and struggled for a long fourth dimension before she finally broke upward with you.
You do read similar having been a loving, loyal boyfriend to her. Peradventure this was on her mind as she put off breaking upwardly with you lot in the last year or so.
Because she waited so long to break upwardly with you, considering she was in distressed with this conflict, she is less likely to come back to you lot than if she expressed herself honestly to you before. Because of the length of time that she was distressed over the relationship, her losing feelings for yous may exist permanent.
It is possible that she will experience once more and seek you out, wanting to resume the relationship, but I wouldn't entertain much hope for this to happen. If I was you, I'd focus on my career and university every bit if your life depended on information technology, considering it does, this is what you have at present that she is not in your life.
When she told you to not expect for her, that ways that she doesn't meet herself returning to you, that this is not a temporary intermission, in her mind.
Her GAD and low- yep, these practise impale loving feelings. Problem is that her loving feelings for you lot are dead and it doesn't affair what killed them, now that they are no longer there. And again, problem is that she struggled for besides long without expressing her conflict to you, so the struggle cemented in her mind and is likely to keep the loving feelings exterior her experience.
I am non a fortune teller, and I don't believe in such. I can't tell the future. What I consider is probabilities. What do you retrieve virtually what I wrote hither?
anita
- This respond was modified ii years, 4 months ago by .
I tin can tell you lot that a very like thing happened with my ex and I. He sort of blindsided me with a breakup, but it was during a twelvemonth of intense struggle with physical and emotional pain and stress. He'd been diagnosed with PTSD, low, and anxiety long before we always dated and information technology was still a struggle for him.
The difference might be that he didn't tell me he lost feelings for me and he'd said he still loved me deeply, but that he felt insecure when he compared himself to me (I was more financially secure, own my ain dwelling house, etc., things he was struggling with)…. that he wasn't happy and he needed to exist alone to figure out how to exist happy and to focus on doing whatever he could to get his life headed in the right direction… basically, he was looking for happiness outside of himself and felt the need to modify everything in his life, and when people beginning feeling that way, the human relationship is often one of the first things to become, fifty-fifty if it's been a adept one with a supportive partner. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
My ex ended upwards dating someone else presently after nosotros broke upwardly (I'k guessing being lone with his feelings wasn't working well for him and he needed a distraction just didn't want to come back to me because I was nevertheless part of the problems of his old life in his mind), only he all the same contacted me off and on throughout the first year afterward our breakup, really short conversations (wished me Happy Thanksgiving last year, for example), which said to me that he was still struggling with his feelings a bit because I recollect he started to realize that breaking upwardly with me and pulling away from a bunch of his friends didn't solve everything and he was still struggling. He ended upwardly beingness diagnosed with a different disorder that he realized was causing some of his issues and apologized for not going to the doctor and figuring out what was wrong with him sooner. But he still continued to date the girl he was dating after me rather than coming back.
We take been broken upwardly for a little over 2 years at present, and nosotros are withal apart. I'g not sure whether he's nevertheless with the other girl or not considering I make it a point Non to continue tabs on him. So while it's possible (and probably probable) that your ex's low and anxiety are what acquired her to ultimately interruption up with you, you can't count on her coming dorsum either. So I would begin the process of detaching from her and letting the human relationship go, and if she does come up back at some betoken, then go to know each other again and run across how information technology goes, but make sure she'due south worked through her bug or she will but do it again the next time she goes through a stressful state of affairs (and adult life is Total of those).
Hello Valora,
Thank you for your reply. Your situation sounds extremely hard and difficult, I am sorry. I know information technology sounds selfish of me, but I hope my ex realizes that our relationship had grounded her and benefited her life, and did not create more feet on top of what she is experiencing. I simply wish I could know what volition happen in the futurity. All I know is I want her in my life…
Thank you lot, time and altitude definitely made it easier, but information technology took a long fourth dimension for me to feel okay. I recollect in that location did come a point where my ex realized that I wasn't creating the feet or stress in his life, and he had improved a lot of things during our relationship that he struggled with before he'd met me, so I'1000 certain there will come a indicate where your ex realizes that likewise… just be prepared for her to realize that and withal not come back. On the other paw, plenty of couples suspension up for months or fifty-fifty sometimes several years and get back together after they've both washed some growing, so yous never know. Those couples that grew and changed during their separation reported a much better human relationship the 2d fourth dimension around.
Love Jake:
You lot are very welcome. If you lot'd like to add any information that may be relevant to her land of mind, perhaps something most her relationships with her parents/ family, please practise. If you add information, or if I take more than thoughts, I volition read from you/ reply to you when I am back to the estimator in almost 14 hours from at present.
I hope y'all feel meliorate soon.
anita
Hi Jake,
I know this is driving you crazy, but the best thing is to permit her go. There might be a small percent adventure she comes dorsum. Simply would you actually desire that? You are boyfriend material, not a mental wellness professional. And consider: even the all-time university relationships oftentimes autumn autonomously later on graduation. I know this is bad news. It'south time to look out for YOU!
All-time,
Inky
Love Jake:
In your 2nd mail service you wrote: "I but simply cannot empathise why her feelings changed".
It is possible that considering she was distressed on many fronts, "schoolhouse, work, life", she was like (this is an image I accept, I am making upward the titles of a few of the rocks:) a person carrying v heavy rocks: one championship school demands, a 2nd, student loans, a third, career plans, a fourth maybe, troubled relationship with a parent, and a fifth, relationship with Jake.
Walking around with this heavy load, something had to give, she had to drop at to the lowest degree one stone. So she dropped you. This mode she feels a scrap lighter and more able to carry the other 4 rocks. It is ofttimes less scary to drop a romantic relationship than one with a parent, less guilt involved. And educatee loans, well that is mode more hard to drop than a relationship, almost impossible.
It is possible that she dropped you lot not considering you were a heavy rock (a big problem), but because it was also difficult or impossible to drib any of the other four rocks (large problems).
anita
- This respond was modified two years, four months agone by .
Anita, I Honey that analogy. Information technology'due south a great visual, and it really is truthful for a lot of people who feel overwhelmed. With that kind of analogy, you tin can encounter why relationships are often the offset matter to become in those cases, because frequently they're the easiest affair to let go of compared to the other "rocks."
* Cheers for the note, Valora. I suppose, as a partner in a relationship with the carrier of rocks, the partner needs to brand the relationship-rock as lite every bit can be for a while, so that his partner is not burdened with that stone. Perhaps help her carry some of her other rocks from time to time. Maybe Jake did these things for his partner. (Did you Jake?)
anita
Jake,
i do have some experience with this. 6 years ago i had a not bad relationship with someone who suffered from many ups and downs when information technology came to moods. She did suffer from depression and was not medicated at the time, nor did she do annihilation to aid herself such as do, or hobby wise. She started downwardly colina and our relationship went with it. I did nothing to crusade this. She concluded the relationship and returned all of my stuff, told me information technology was her and non me, and then disappeared and i was shocked. I had no leads and was so injure. I spent the side by side three months constantly looking for answers and begging. It caused my misery to heighten and i struggled to say the to the lowest degree. She blocked me, which came with a reason, which was that she started seeing a guy she had been with from her by that had previously left her hanging out to dry out. When i found this out, i gave up the contact even though i was nevertheless hurting so bad. 3 weeks subsequently i discontinued the contact, she started reaching out to me, and did so on iii separate occasions. On the 3rd endeavour i took her back and we talked, every bit she admitted her faults and wanted me dorsum. I took her back and we spent the next 3 years together, bought a house and looked to become married and accept kids. Eventually the relationship started to refuse, as she needed more attending than i could requite, and coincidentally, she left again for someone else who got her meaning, and i never spoke to her once again.
my advice is, if someone voluntarily leaves yous, do non reach out by any means. If they want y'all back, they will call. There is nothing you tin exercise to modify their listen. They need to exercise so on their ain. The but thing you will do is button this person away. Every bit much as information technology hurts, i wish i followed this communication back when this happened to me. Equally you could see, when i stopped contact, she came back.
simply tread lightly with this, as my state of affairs ended even worse the second time effectually, costing me years and a lot of money tied up in a mortgage. History tends to repeat and near people practise not change their means. We all dont think on our toes while happy in a human relationship like nosotros practice when we are experiencing heartache. We resort dorsum to taking things for granted, and its very human to brand mistakes. Merely trust your instinct. Virtually women practise not enjoy being alone, so if she decides she truly needs you, she will telephone call, and then you can then determine what y'all recollect at that point.
experience free to ask whatsoever questions you have, ive learned a great deal from my particular situation.
hope you lot get what yous want out of this, and know i feel your pain, ive been there.
How-do-you-do if you could reply to me I have some questions as I am going through this right now. Thank you
Dear Kyle:
If you don't go a answer here, being that the final activity here was in 2019, you are welcome to start your own thread by going to FORUMS at the top of the folio and taking information technology from there.
anita
I am besides going through the sam situation right now
- This respond was modified ii years, 4 months ago by
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